Why, why do you do this to me.

Well I am late on my (.) yep. I hate it, it is not the first time, it has been late for a while now, but it gets me so upset. I keep waiting and wishing that the Lord answered my prayers and I might be preggo from hubby. But then I dont feel different. So all I can do is wait. AHHHHH so aggravating. I hate it. I had to go to a walk a thon from work, to fight diabetes and it drained me. I figured with so much walking, it would have pushed AF to come but no it did not. I hope that if it is going to come, it comes already. Sorry had to vent.

SO Sick!

Hi, I am so sick! I have been sick for the past 3 days, it just hit me all of a sudden. I started with an uncontrallable cough then runny nose and then headaches and throbbing ears. I have continued taking my temps but I think my sickness is making them go higher than what they are supposed to be. Also I can't seem to fall asleep, I keep coughing and I spit up blood. Not good right? Anyway keep me in your prayers and pray that I get healed soon.

Trying to not give up

Hi, today has been a good day, but for some reason I feel a pang of lossing hope inside me. I don't know if it is because I am coming down sick with the flu or what is going on inside me. Well this is my first entry so I will start by telling everyone my story. I started this blog because I want a place where I can type all my worries and my dreams and hopes and everything here. Well my journey began about 5 years ago, when I decided it was time to have a baby. I had that mentality where, you think that as soon as you wanted a baby it would happen. I was not familiar with everything that could go wrong or everything that could happen to us. By us I mean my husband and I. My husband and I attempted for a child for about 3 years and never got pregnant. I would cry myself to sleep and I would pray so much to God, for that miracle to happen. Well it never did. I understand that the LORD works in mysterious ways and that it is at his time not ours. Anyway finally one day, I spoke to hubby and we decided to go see a doctor. A co-worker of mine referred us to a doctor she was going to, in Mexico. I was a little scared at first going there but then we decided that it would be safe and the cost would be a lot less than here in the States. We jumped on the chance and went to the MD. When we got there we did everything the doctor said and she wanted hubby to get a sperm analysis. We did the anyalisis and waited for the results. She called us into her office and looked at me and laughed and said in spanish, "You will never have a child of your husband, he will never give you a child". Those words were like a slap in the face. like if she had just thrown me out of a 10 story building. I felt so lost inside, and my poor hubby kept asking me what, what did she say, becasue he does not speak any spanish. I could not even get anything out, I just cried and cried. During this time the MD kept talking and talking about having other options like donor sperm or adoption. I did not even listen to her, I got up and walked out. This whole time my hubby followed close and he kept trying to comfort me but I just wanted to run, to crawl under a rock. To me having a child is one of the most important pieces of my life. I finally broke down and handed him the results and he saw all the zeros in the form. He had no swimmers, not one. Well time has passed now, and we are still together. It is hard for hubby knowing that he cannot give me children. I know it hurts because sometimes during our love making he makes comments. I want to be stronger but I can't. I try to keep walking believing that one day it will happen but it is so hard. I will continue to walk by faith, and keep praying. In May of this year we decided to try Northwest. We tried one time in June and it resulted in a negative, and our next time will be in Feburary, God willing this time we get a positive.